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Newman_redbeard
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Name: Rod
Country: United States
State: Montana
Metro: Bozeman
Birthday: 2/21/1984
Gender: Male
Interests: From the time I was a little boy I was at the ballpark watching my two older brothers play baseball. From there I got into Basketball Football, and Track a field. Other than that I am like everyone else. I like to hang out with friends.
Expertise: I have studied many aspects of weight lifting and Bodybuilding. Have designed many of my own workout plans and helped many friends by being there personal trainer and work out partner.
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
10/26/2005
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| i find my self walking sown a path that I know is right, and God point ahead and said this is what I have for you. a pone seeing it I find myself to having stopped walking. i have not turn from that path I am still facing straight ahead. i look at God and said I am not sure I see what you see, If this is what you wont then I will receive it. even though that is what am said and what I feel in my heart some how i cant seem to take that next step, I look to the side of me to see that I have not taken one step backward yet i an seeing the landscape is flowing past me. even though I have not walked away from what God pointed out I find myself farther away. Fears start keeping in as i look forward fears of what will happen if I was to keep moving forward and fears of what will happen if I don't start again. with all the thoughts running through my head I just know one thing, that is that I am glad that I don't know. for that would make the fear even worses
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| Frailer is a funny thing one day you are afraid
because of who is going to be there to chew you out or punish you for what you
did. But how would have thought that you would be afraid of success because
that person would not be about to be there. All of a sudden I find myself not
wonting to move in life because I find myself knowing that all the good times
are not going to be as good as they would have been if cretin things had never
happened. I look at all the future events in my life and even though there are
people all around I see myself standing all alone. I am afraid of what it will
be like moving on, because every good time will be accompanied by. | | |
| I really don't have anything to talk about right now. I am sure that I could come up with something but there is nothing I feel i need to say at the moment but i saw that I had not writen anything for a long time and that last blog was not on the happyest of times so I though i would put somthing up that is not so glomy. that way anyone that is reading my blog wont think that I went into a depretion and killed myself or anything
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| To day was my birthday. I found my self to bust
to try and figure out what this strange feeling was in side of me. Knowing that
it was my birthday and not many others did. So not many people told me Happy Birthday.
So I though that was what I was feeling but it didn't seem right people weren't
going to know unless I tell them and I would have done that already if that was
really what was bothering me.
After I had finished work I had some time to think about it
and I realized that I didn't miss the many people letting me happy birthday. I
missed my best friend that has been with me on my birthday for probably the
last Six or more years. I one guy that I knew better then I knew anyone else. He
was the only one of my friends that had truly been there when no one else was. This
day that is supposed to be a day of joy was absolutely offal because he was not
here to enjoy it with. This lead me to realize who else was not here. My dad
was not and nether was my oldest brother Ray.
From all of this my emotions just went around in a circle
from one person to the other. Wishing they were here. Pain didn't seem that bad
when I couldn't remember it. And now I just wont it to go away, but I don't
wont to be in that state of emptiness again.
I just wont to let is all out so that I can be done with
it. But was good would that do because there is still more to come it is just
the way life is. | | |
| Things are coming back. Still a long way to go
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